Glue.

Stick me back together with some elmo glue
I'm not falling apart, I'm over you
Don't hold me tight, just let go
I'm not grieving, I'm not lost
I don't care about you

I don't miss the good old days,
Or what once was and used to be
I am happy, happy as can be
What's the matter don't you believe me?

You love me, you love me so you say
What is it exactly that you love so dearly?
Is it my personality or my winning smile?
Is it my money, my treasured posessions
Sorry am I being a little unfair?
Argue back, confront, I dare

Don't get me started on being fair
You talk of compassion, of lighthearted humour
You know nothing, you gossip you rumour
Theres a blackness, that keeps following around
It won't let go, I can't seem to find, dont whisper
Don't speak, or say a sound

I can't shake this feeling,
I see no light, no halo, nothing surrounds
Will the darkness ever disappear
Will there be someone to hold your hand
To see you through to be there
Someone forever, someone to care
Time seems to stand on end
Through the hourglass like quicksand
I'm so tired, I'll be alright
Please just let me sleep
Everything will be alright
Please just believe in me.

Dreams to Dust.

You tell me I'm pretty, Im your everything
You tell me your secrets and then you break me
You let me believe your lies and declarations
You let me dream that I was your everything



You said that you would never let me go
Told me you loved me and I believed you so
Blinded by the aurora lights over the horizon
There you stood on my own pedastool
Now I feel like such a complete fool



The times we spent together every day
Thought you loved me come what may
One path, one straight road
Was all set to marry you
Yet it wasnt meant to be
For you ruined everything
For me



The tears that fell like the waterfall
The disappointment and grief all welled up
High hopes and dreams never came around
Just bitter twists and ends full of ups and downs
These memories reside inside of my head
Despite everything I just cannot forget



There are some things that money cannot buy
That go too deep, that stay deep inside
Thought you believed in me and in us
I have no faith anymore
In love at all because
You have shattered my hopes to dust
Whatever remains is no use to anyone now
Stronger than I was before,
Was yielding but now hard as a stone
Stronger now because I must.

Woffle woffle.

I do quite like waffles incidentally, have you ever seen those waffle machines you can get? All different types and sizes, then oozings of golden syrup. Mhmm, okay now I am hungry..

Do you ever think to yourself, oh I am sure I would be much happier if I was thinner, healthier, more sporty, had more money, was more brainy, was less myself then I would be happier?

Well of course you do we all have moments at times when we just feel like we can never feel happy with who we are. I came across this blog called Tiny Buddha and I bought it after reading a couple of articles it was so inspiring, so motivating, inspiring to change. Have left a link below if you wanted to have a look. Another link that I found quite useful where this inspirational person believes that we can all change in 30 days that is how long it takes for us to get rid of an old habit. Have also linked it below.


http://www.first30days.com/
http://tinybuddha.com/

Nothing like a bit of self improvement to help with mind body and spirit is there? Do you know for as long as I could remember I have never been happy with my weight. Its not even that I was big or anything, weird I know. It is quite depressing going into the shopping centre and finding yourself in the aisle of maternity clothes, or just feeling frumpy overall. Theres something about those mirrors you know, the ones where you change in that just seem to show you in the worst lights possible.

Its a constant battle, though being healthy, not thinking about food all the time and trying to make it less important. I do so love cooking and food and eating good things, rather a creature of comfort I am afraid. I am a Taurus after all.

I think now I weigh more than I have ever done before. It is quite difficult looking at pictures from when you were younger and comparing the difference with now. You start to wonder, how did I ever let myself go? Why did I let myself go?

Watching those Supersize vs Superskinny programmes with the two spectrums of the scales its such a shock because you realise that you don't want to have such health implications: you know the videos they show you from America? Where they struggle to cook and move around, and pictures of what your doing to your body which Dr Christian shows you?

Both are equally unhealthy, whether your on the thinner end of the spectrum or the rather plump large end of the spectrum. You keep making promises to yourself, new year resolutions that oh this time next year everything will be better, you'll be that size 10 you will be happy. The problem is that the next year comes around and your still exactly the same as the year before except slightly plumper and a size up..

So you just sortof accept it because well you don't really have a choice and eventually you get so sick of it you decide to do something about it but then you give up thinking you can't do it. Then consequently all that hard work goes out the window.

However I will never stop trying, I am determined to do it right this time. I think part of the problem is we try to change too much too quickly. Daily exercise, lower amount of fat etc.

I am currently doing Slimmers World, quite a good idea actually as theres no counting of calories or anything and you can eat as much potatoes and pasta as you want BONUS! Although you are only allowed 10 syns a day. I recently purchased a Shape Up Plan from Weight Concern, and its a file with different stages. Am only on stage 1 at the moment where you record everything you eat. Apparently it helps make you more aware of things. Step 2 will be eating more regularly I think and of course exercise!


On my other blog I have been putting up some recipes, none so healthy yet but there will be.

Thank you for reading my woffle.

Victoria

Race for Life- training day 3.

OK so I really didnt want to go to the gym, it was so cold wet and miserable I kept thinking to myself I really dont want to go. But I made myself go! As I need to train properly for this event, and once I was there it was fine, although quite hard work to begin with more so than last time for some reason? Then it got better, although I think the music helped again, it definitely depends on the song!

Another embarrassing thing happened today haha I put my jumper at the top end of the treadmill and somehow it draped onto the running machine and I nearly fell over it. I just managed to pause the machine and didnt fall which is always goood...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1165935/Could-going-gym-making-fatter.html<<<<< ooh err, thats me on the bike there haha, this article doesnt sound too good though... :(

Ah well never mind eh?

So until wednesday then people :)

The Bird, The Beauty and the Beast

Lets walk these long remembered memories

Down lanes which have no ends

Where everything is okay

Working so hard resisting against everything you are

Because the truth is your no beauty but a beast





Have you looked into the mirror

What do you see are you replulsed

Tear drops may fall but dont worry Ill be fine

Im falling falling who will be there to catch me

Perhaps this is all just a distant dream

Suddenly see true beauty as

I opened my arms and sprouted wings.



Free as a bird that may be with ruffled feathers

Rustling against my reality

Open your eyes can you see, feel that sweet smelling breeze

Like a spirit ghost whispering sweet melodies

Is there a lightness against the black

Will there be life amongst the dank dire, crime and petrified





Are you my angel so pure and white

You are my angel delight

If you knew then what you know now

Would you still be here would you still kiss me love me regardless



Is this a dream where happy endings are not few and far between

Where there is fairy dust and make believe

There lies gravity in reality but not in someone elses dream

So I jump and spread my wings

And in the distance I hear a bird sing.

Race for Life Training Day 2

So today was my second day of training at the gym, and although it was quite hard work I felt an adrenaline rush everytime some good music came on. A bit of Bon Jovi and Colours of the Wind if you can believe it. Didnt feel quite as wobbly today, although I lost my water bottle under the treadmill, and didnt want to look stupid so didnt attempt to try and retrieve it. What a plank I am.

I am so determined to do this, it helps having a set date, as it gaves me a date to accomplish it by. Helps get me fitter too which is always an added bonus. After my first training session I could definitely feel it in my belly and my legs, and I shall probably be feeling it tomorrow. Shows my muscles are working I guess (which have not been used for a while ><) Even hurts to laugh :D. Hey Ho. One step at a time.

I think I might treat myself after have done some work and snuggle down and watch To Kill A Mockingbird. Ahh Bliss ^_^

Thanks to whoever is reading.

Race for Life.

So I signed up for the race for life a couple of weeks ago, and today I officially started training for it. I went to the gym, and am taking it slow to begin with as have decided to run it. Bought this useful book a while ago called Running for Beginners, just as well, it is proving very useful.

Gives you good tips not to mention motivational quotes from Martin Luther King something along the lines of taking one step at a time before climbing the entire staircase rings bells.

The music definitely helped, listening to Lady GaGa makes a workout so much more fun :D. Will have a rest tomorrow and then start up again on Wednesday. I felt a bit like Bridget Jones you know where shes decided to get fit and healthy and quit smoking and theres a picture of her on the cycle and she cycles so hard that when she came off, she fell off. I felt a bit like that except I didnt fall off, just felt a bit dizzy haha.

There was a guy who was running next to me was slightly intimidating, as he was running so fast, and all I could think was I wish I could run as fast and as good as that. Nevermind maybe someday hey?

Anyway Day 1, the programme lasts ten weeks as am not starting the race till 12th June. Will keep you updated who ever reads or is interested.

Just Human.

Words that were written on the pages

That flowed merged together as one

Thoughts racing, heart beating fast

Is this too much for you?

Why cant you stop



The secrets that lie from within

That haunt your sacred face

That hollows your skin

White, pale, again

Whispering truths through air

It wont go away, come what may



Are you more than what you appear to be

Do people like the real you

Somehow this isnt enough

Sinking falling, well tough



Break the mirror on the wall

Fleeting kick and its gone

Take out your anger let it rise

Now its gone what a surprise

Huddled heap on the floor

There is no dream anymore

What once was can never be again

How things have changed, unexplained



So you see me in this fluroscent light

So white and innocent well its just not right

There on a pedastool you put me on

How do you not see beyond thereupon

Are you dreaming are you even awake

I am not perfect, just human I make mistakes.

Ponderings.

So lately I have been thinking about how we never really seem to be happy with what we have. It is not till later that we realise how much we should have appreciated that moment. Thats part of the problem really is it not? Because by the time you realise it its too late.

I definitely believe that we are too hard on ourselves as individuals. We treat ourselves as enemies the constant putting down, the pressure we have on ourselves to be thin. It reminds me of a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt 'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent' It is true really.

I have learnt so much over the past few years both good and bad, and memories that I doubt I will ever forget. I think that everyone goes through their bad phases where they are so scared of change, of failure that they dont follow their dreams in fear that they fall down whilst they are trying. That challenge though is worthwhile because when you finally do accomplish what you set out to do you feel so great for doing it.

I guess what it all comes down to is attitude: if you think your nothing, then thats what you believe yourself to be. So reach for the moon people and even if you miss at least you will land among the stars.

Perhaps we should all stop trying to be someone who everyone wants to be and just be ourselves. Nobody is perfect, we are all beautiful and unique in our own way.
Media does not help I must say.

I think sometimes when something hits us, that we are not expecting we dont know how to deal with it. How that knowledge or reality can change everything. It can turn what was something happy to something sad. I guess it is about attitude again here you can choose to accept and learn from it or you let it consume you.

We all want to be happy, we all deserve to be.
When you feel lost: remember as according to Julian from One Tree Hill that 'happiness is a mood, a condition not a destination its like being tired or hungry its not permanent it comes and goes and thats okay. I feel if people thought about it that way they would find happiness a lot more often'

Believe in yourself people :)

Missing you.

Sometimes wonder what your doing

Who your seeing where you've been

If you think of me sometimes

Remember the memories of everything

Down to squiggley imperfect lines



From walks in the park holding hands

Watching seasons change forevermore

Suddenly you disappeared walked out the door

Tell me everything will be just fine

Wake up everyday hoping to find you there

Except your not you dont exist everythings bare

How your smile lights up a room

No more darkness or doom and gloom

How you talk to me, when I am down



Love me, comfort me, never wanting to see me frown

Somehow this earths seems to have turned around

There are no ups no downs just twists and turns

Everything just seems to be burns



Another fork in the road, another bend

Wonder where you are my friend

I miss you, where have you gone

I want to tell you things, want you to hold me

Tell me you love me, say that you want me

Trust me, believe in my hopes and dreams

Wish upon a star and hope it comes true

All I want is to be with you.

Angels Watching Over Me.

There was no-one there to comfort her when she was most alone,

No-one for her to be with when everything was going wrong

She kept it all inside, remained strong and resilent

In time and time again besides her hope was fading fast

The light that flickered on and off she thought only of the past

When somehow everything was disappearing, there was nothing left behind



There was no-one to dry the tears, no-one to ease the pain

No-one telling her that they loved her, just her remains

Yet still she struggled on and hoped for better times

That things would get better, everything in time

Of love, of comfort of dreams to be

Of a more promising life, than the one that holds today

There were no guarantees, and no quick starts

Hold on to the memory of sweet sweet kisses

And bittersweet caresses, of fairytales and misty cloud

Where dreams come true, where you were found

An angel came down from heaven so beautifully pale

She said to me we're watching over you

You dont need to be afraid

She took my hand and held it close showed me her magical world

Let me live in my dreams, with dancing, merriment and twists and whirls

You'll never be alone she said, as she wiped my glistening tears of pearl

I pulled a smile, her delicate pale fingers touched my face

Reminded me I was in a magical worldly place

Reassuring, me telling me that I was no longer alone

Finally I could breathe, the pain fading and blown

Closed my eyes and went to sleep

Dreaming of magical fantasies up up and deep

I can fly, fly away and just believe

Believe that it is just you and me

Roaming around visibly

Where there are happy endings dreamily

No fidgety jerked movements, or shouts and screams

Or pain, or tears or bad nightmares just daydreams

And peace and tranquility and love

Up up in the skies above.

Holding On.

Do you feel an ache in your heart

That wont seem to go away

Your not here why cant you stay

I miss you more and more everyday

Of things said, memories and much more

This day this life, seems so empty



These thoughts that unfurl and unravel

That go beyond meaningful purposes

That take you to the galaxy and back

When somehow everything is beyond black and white

These thoughts that torture your mind

It feels too difficult to move on, holding on too tight

Fingers clasped onto the edge of the cliff

Desperately holding on moments swift

Please dont let go of this memory

Please dont forget about me

Please dont leave me

I guess we shall wait and see



I want to go back in time,

When everything was between me and you

Where everything was perfect everything in line

I want to be free as a bird, singing my heart out

Dream of forever, of you and me, with no doubt

I love you, with all of my heart, cant we go back

Back to the very start, with no baggage to unpack.

In my Dreams.

There are no words to convey how you feel

That screaming incessant noise coming from deep inside of you

Where the tears that flow fall faster and faster, fast and hysterical

Everything seems such a chore, suddenly everything is harder than it once was

Somehow you know though deep down that everything will be okay because.





Have you ever taken a look around and wondered what you were doing

Decided to take that leap of faith and just believe

In dreams, in reality, in everything that lies in between

Why does everything have to be so complicated

Is this some sort of surreal game?

Full of rollercoasters, of ups and downs, and heights and fast trains

So tired, my eyes feal weak, not used to this reality, or is this a dream

Are my eyes playing tricks on me, is my vision blurred

Perhaps I can fly, Perhaps I am a bird





Find your totem, spin it around, is it spinning is there gravity is it on the ground

Suddenly you fall, beyond these four walls, into darkness from a great height found

Are you really here, or are you just a distant memory, why arent you with me

I just want to be with you in my dreams.



Whirlwind of complexity, a big hole fills the pool that deepens

That breaks the heart, that comes to life, that defines deep lines

Suddenly feel like sleepless in seattle

Swishing swirling movement, heart beating faster every moment

Wait I cant find you where did you go?

Searching through the rubble faster and faster, screams of help let me go

In panic, in flustering, scrabbling of rubble beneath flimsy hands of echoey breezes

I find you, your okay your safe, I hold you close, your with me, but only in my dreams.



Reality hits you as you wake, shes gone, disappeared without a trace,

Then the rocking motion begins and a fire of guilt burns deep within

For something you lost, something you can never have again

Now all that remains is her memory, your guilt

For not being able to saver her to revive her again.

Runaway.

Sweet karmas and bittersweet goodbye

Cups of tea gone cold, silence, demise

Unread books, and dusty shelves

Twisted round historical self



Smell the reminiscent fantasy

Hold on to that reality

Black masks, disguise

Hidden identity, nothing but lies

Fear of darkness, realisation goodbyes

Lets kiss one last time



Remember holding hands squeeze tightly

Summer rays, and blue skies

Wishing that it would never end

Hoping it would not crash, descend

Shouting screaming laughing this time

Dancing, drinking beer, thrum of music

Smell of sweat, ale feel almost amnesiac

Spin me around lets dance some more

In these sweet ballet shoes,

Lets piroquette we wont lose



Spinning spinning, a crash of glass

Wow, this is going too fast

Shattering the table hitting the floor

Voice from distant memories recall

You wont be alone, here once and for all

Words a jumble like from scrabble games

A tombola, a mixture of fun, dangerous games

Upside down smileys and dictionary words

Hit the coldness sharp and bitter absurd

Dont stand too close, stay back

Just afraid you will drop me like a piece of litter

And bring my defences down down down



Dreams in this parallel universe

Your perfect, nothing worse

Standing at the edge, limited seams

Drink tequila, face flat on the floor not dreaming

Of these incessant remnants of possibilities



I'm not leaving you I remember in a cloudy haze

Someone saying as they carried me home,me in a daze

Did I dream a kiss on the forehead?

So caring so sweet, I want to run instead

Yet there you sit, by my bed, taking care of me

Despite my harsh words, you know you see

That I love you despite all my insecurities

You see we are meant to be.

Truth.

Reality bites you in the ass where you think it wouldnt, it can depress you, knowing that everything you were living and experiencing has been and gone and you have to get back to your own responsibilities to your own life. A bit like Shirley Valentine you know? Someone who wanted something more exciting an adventure to Greece without the troubles and burdens of cooking the same thing for your husband every day doing the laundry something away from the mundane and the stresses of everyday life. Something that makes you happy even if briefly. When you come back to that you cant help but be disappointed that is all over.



I think thats why you need to have something to look forward to, otherwise you feel your not living, otherwise your just working 24/7 like mother nurses, like the social workers who are always getting shat on all the time for not doing their job properly, for the people that commute to london to everyday, the housewives, the people working hard earning a living in the hope that their families can come see them, in the hopes that they have enough money to get their family to come live with them.

The reality is I suppose that life isnt always going to be exciting which is why the prospects of a holiday are so exciting because of the experience into the unknown. The truth is we are all hoping for an exciting life. I suppose it comes down to how you make out your life to be; your attitude. The truth is about reality is some things never change.



You come back; and nothing has changed at all. Some things stay the same.
Perhaps at the end of the day what it comes down to is the small things; because we cant always get what we want.

Love.

Hands intertwined, twisting together fatefully
Holding together for eternity and forever
Romeo and Juliet, star crossed lovers dont you see?
Destiny doomed from the beginning,
Yet a love so strong, nothing could break it

Magical gold dust, remember the times when
Everything was so perfect and time passed by
The happy ending you anticipated
Was never there, just a dream you made it

Love the only redeeming quality
Like Wuthering Heights
Between Cathy and Heath

Time is moving faster,
The clocks are ticking louder
Do you remember what we had?
Do you wish that more was said

I dont regret a thing,
Even in my dreams I see you
My lover, my friend, my dreamboat
You were the best thing ever
That happened to me
Between dreams and reality.

Faith in Adversity

A bottle of alcohol, empty cigarette packets

Strewn across the damp dirty floor

Moundless heap lies in the bed

Too many words left unsaid

Never moving, never getting up

Never there for you, never hugging you

Never loving you, or helping you

Always faced down into the floor



Amazing that in the face of adversity

You hold on for grim death

Despite the bullying taunts at school

Your a bitch, a liar a whore

The mother who doesnt care

What does it matter anymore?



Swimming against the current

Holding on to the possibilites

The dreams, the hopes,

Of something a little bit better



There are moments behind closed doors

That you dont want to remember anymore

How do you find the strength to carry on?

To find meaning in every single day?



Then there are the beggars in the streets

The children living in slums, the hungry

The poor, all wanting something a bit more



Struggle to survive through these tough times

Promise that everything will be alright

If you can get through this you can get through

Anything at all



Running away from the faces of evil

Walking towards the faces of angels

Sitting and hoping and praying to God

That everything wil be alright today



In a world of violence, of beatings

And many harsh words

Where a man with a gun holds all power

With sparks of ignition and meteroite showers

You worry that things will remain the same

But you know despite everything things will change.

Believe that miracles happen

Because they do, everyday

Just remember that my dear

I promise everything will be okay.

Human Statue.

Tear drops hit the pearlescent lake
Droplets of water fall down
Remember the day the rain came?
Do you remember when it crashed down?
Do you remember when I was suddenly found?


The trees sing so quietly in the breeze
You sit there so quietly, in your own world
Seasons changed from winter to spring
Yet you still remained the same
You havent moved, still as stone
Rigid as a human statue

Time changes, clocks tick faster
Yet there you sit and wait
Waiting for your loved one
To come right back

The angels above took pity
Saw the raindrops fall over the city
Felt your pain and suffering and reminiscently
Held your smooth pale white hand
Saw your face dissolve like pure gold sand
Hope disappearing fast,
Nothing was meant to last


Grey and cold but there you sit
You look so derelict
For a spell was cast on you
To stop the pain
Once was human is now statue
Goodbye my Matthew

Fairytale.

Dregs of tea at the bottom of the cup
Does it hold your future, what will it be?
Picture of lightening, of darkness of love
Of unexpected fantasies fairies and gold
Fluttering wings and sweet lullabies
Fun filled laughter and sweet memories

A moving castle, a magical dream
Rainbows and many possibilities
Anything can happen if you believe
The twinkle of fairy dust, and parties
Tiny glasses clink together, in ceremony

Magical worlds that fill the time and space
From portal to portal from pace to pace
Fill your imagination with cloud and dreams
Immerse down to the deep blue sea

Believe in unicorns, so white and pure
Find me a star, let me make one wish more
Tell me a story, sing me to sleep,
Dont want to wake from this dream
What does the future hold?

The trees whisper in the breeze
Dont worry about it my dear
Listen to the flutter of wings
The dragon fire and roar of parties
Listen to your lullaby, you'll find your way
You'll find your own destiny

Dreams to Dust.

You tell me I'm pretty, Im your everything
You tell me your secrets and then you break me
You let me believe your lies and declarations
You let me dream that I was your everything


You said that you would never let me go
Told me you loved me and I believed you so
Blinded by the aurora lights over the horizon
There you stood on my own pedastool
Now I feel like such a complete fool

The times we spent together every day
Thought you loved me come what may
One path, one straight road
Was all set to marry you
Yet it wasnt meant to be
For you ruined everything
For me


The tears that fell like the waterfall
The disappointment and grief all welled up
High hopes and dreams never came around
Just bitter twists and ends full of ups and downs
These memories reside inside of my head
Despite everything I just cannot forget

There are some things that money cannot buy
That go too deep, that stay deep inside
Thought you believed in me and in us
I have no faith anymore
In love at all because
You have shattered my hopes to dust
Whatever remains is no use to anyone now
Stronger than I was before,
Was yielding but now hard as a stone
Stronger now because I must.